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2018 Started Rough

Wasn't he adorable. Kenneth Katterhenry. My favorite uncle/father figure. The last building block of my childhood died in the middle of January of 2018. He has always been my rock. This is his graduation picture. I told him he must have had all the girls chasing after him, but he only wanted one. My favorite Aunt. Convenient isn't it. She passed on the same year as Bob's Mom, both being mother figures to me as my Mother passed on in 1998. I don't think anyone knew just what Uncle Kenny and Aunt Mary meant to Bob and me. Bob never had the same kind of relationship with his uncles like he had with my Uncle and he never had true Aunts like my Aunt Mary. Well truthfully, there never was an aunt like Aunt Mary. I look like her. I always told them they just wanted to raise boys, so when they had me they just handed me over to my Mom and Dad to raise. They always laughed because there is no way that was true. I was born a year before they were married. Whenever, I would say that they always laughed. 

His death devastated me. Even as I write this tears roll down my face. He was a gentle man. Slow to anger. Iron fisted, but fair in discipline. He never played favorites. Whenever I would go spend the night I would purposely forget my pjs so that I could wear one of his T-shirts for jami's. He always thought that was funny.

He was a farmer by trade and never seemed to have a bad year. My Dad always said, 'It is a drought on everyone's farm but Kenny's' I asked him one time if he ever took out crop insurance and he laughed. He said only one year. He said that God put it on his heart that he should buy it that year and so he did. He needed it. He never bought it any other year and he never needed it. I thought it was amazing.

We talked so much. We would read books and discuss them. Oh I miss that man. A great corner stone of my life gone forever. But he tell me once, if you ever need a hug, close you eyes, cross your arms and give yourself a great big hug. That hug is from me.

His 3 sons were my brothers as we were growing up, but that day I lost the three of them too and one of thier sons who was like a son to me because of some stupid lies that my family should have recognized as lies. The lies came from known liars. I only found out about it 2 weeks ago, but even my son has known about it for months and did not say a word to me about it. These lies have been fermenting for 6 months, so anything I say now is not believed. Me, who is incapable of lying, is not believed of telling the truth by my family who has known me all their lives. Inconceivable. So, they don't want to even talk about it.

Then at the same time, my husband and I became estranged from my son and our Grandchildren, I will not go into the long story because it is entirely too upsetting. Suffice it to say that we have not seen our Grandchildren since Christmas and they are being told lies about us. We have talked to and seen our son only rarely and we have to be very careful what we say. It is like walking on eggshells. We have to make the connection. He never tries to make an attempt.

So, basically, on the day of my Uncle's funeral, I not only lost my beloved Uncle, and a security I have known for 64 years, but I lost a third of my family and my son and Grandchildren.

We also lost our Health Insurance so I couldn't go to see a psychologist. Shall we say I went into a deep dark hole of depression! 1/3 of my support group was missing and no one was checking on me. It was up to my loving husband and my wonderful daughter who lives 2,500 miles away to watch over me. It has been awful.

Then I finally crashed in May. The last rung in ladder before I hit the bottom of the pit cracked and broke in May. Fortunately, my new insurance kicked in the next day and so I called the psychologist and said I was in crisis and they got me in the same day.

I am happy to report that after her first visit things started to turn around and now as of todays date, I am definitely more than halfway back up the ladder and can see the top of the hole and sunlight again.

I am laughing again. There is sunshine in my life again and the world looks much brighter. Major Depression is a very scary place to be, especially when you support system deserts you in your hour of need. But there is always hope.

The one thing I always have on my side is God. He never leaves my side! He is always there listening to me when I talk and I think this time the ancestors were trying to help too, lol. I certainly have been hearing a lot of fiddle playing. I wonder just who played the fiddle. I need to investigate that.

Well, one of my best friends is getting married on July 28 and I am so excited for her! She had decided she would never get married and, of course, that is always when it happens. Now she is panic mode. Our Aimee and our Robbie are coming home because they are both in the wedding. Aimee and I just happen to share the same best friend. Isn't that the coolest thing! Robbie is going to be the ring bearer for his 'Auntie'. I don't think I will be able to keep the tears from flowing, happy tears for our Jen.

We are so excited to have our Aimee and Robbie home for 2 wonderful weeks. I can hardly hold it in. Then on top of that we are going to celebrate our Robbie's 6th birthday while he is here. So much fun! Plus while they are here, my brother and his wife, more like a sister, are going to be here too. It is going to be like a party! The time is going to go so fast! But I am going to such wonderful memories to hold in my heart. Oh I can hardly wait! Just 9 more days!

The first half of the year was absolutely horrible! However, I have learned a lot about myself and a lot about family. And I am much stronger for having lived through this emotional disaster. I hope to not have to live through it again!

I turn 65 in October this year. I think I should be done with emotional disasters of this kind! I'm probably dreaming, lol.

We shall see what the next half of the year brings. Oh what I didn't tell you is that I finally turned my RSD/CRPS From a Patient's Perspective book into a publisher. I have been too frightened to get it published, but the final edit is done. I should hear this week what happens next. The cover is complete front and back. I almost cried when I read what they wrote on the back cover of the book. They seem to think I'm really something and that the book needs to be read by everyone! I'll let everyone know when it is ready.

Well, to be continued as they say .....


And Now We Are In 2017

Two weeks later, I was up and moving, picking things up and putting things away. Walking around, going to exercises and lasting longer than usual, my hip was feeling the stretching and was feeling stronger and then...two weeks later I woke up and laid perfectly still in bed afraid to move.

There I was, laying in bed and I virtually had no pain, my brain had no fog and I felt like jumping out of bed and racing around the house. I was afraid to move and break the spell.

Slowly I got out of bed, I was okay. Went to the bathroom and got ready for the day. Still okay.  So I headed towards the rest of the house. Bob was in living room. He took one look at me and smiled.

'Well hello! Welcome home! You've been gone a long time! I'm really glad you are back! I've really missed you!' I said, 'I don't have any pain' dumbfounded. He said, 'I know I can see it in your eyes.' 'Bob, my head is completely clear!' He giggled, 'Yes, I know, I can see it in your eyes and the way you are standing!' 'Bob, I feel good!' He just hugged me! 

It still continues. I don't take naps like I did. All I want to do is write. Write. Write.

The things that I want to put down in print, I never knew I had it in me!

The Radio Show started and in less than 4 months, they renewed it for a year. I love doing it, it is fun and I feel like I am helping people. I hope when it is time for a year renewal, that they will renew it again....I feel we are just beginning to make a difference. People are noticing the show and I am getting noticed for it. People are asking me to write articles and such. It is exciting.

The more Limu I drink, the longer I drink it the better I feel. I still am using my doTERRA, I love my oils and I love Limu! The best 2 products there are I believe. Do I believe in miracles? Of course. Do I believe in good nutrition? Well, what do you think? Your body is absolutely amazing. God made it that way! He made it so that, if given the right ingredients it can respond in the most wonderful ways. That is why you see so many people going all natural, GMO and other ways of eating these days. They are realizing that they have to get rid of toxins and start taking care of the only body that they will ever have if they are going to survive in this world. 

I am so happy that I listened to Will, started to feel better because I started to feed my body what it needed, started exercising, and started the Fodmap diet. With Limu, doTERRA, the Fodmap, exercise and a positive attitude, my life has turned around. I may not be the same person I was in 1999, but let's face it I am older now too. I wouldn't be anyway. However, I am now able to work at home. Could I work in the outside world? No, I doubt it, but I turn 65 this year anyway so who cares. I just am happy that I feel better than I have felt since my accident in 1999.

And I am proud of myself for having surviving everything I have been through to get to this point!

My story will continue as my life progresses.

2016 Arrives

Everything is in one room, except the bed. It is the breezeway between the house and the garage. It has been a month and a half since I broke my hip and ribs. Bob has me set up in a little corner so that I can 'work.' The table has the printer on it. The only decoration for Christmas is the Reindeer next to the printer. You can see my walker next to the empty red chair. I am not allowed to move unless I call Bob or my cousin. She and her daughter come and stay during the week to take care of me while Bob works on the house.

The living room, master bath and bedroom are still under construction. Vicky, Stormy and Bob tried to make the room as homey and natural as possible, since it was the only livable room. They could use the kitchen, bath and breezeway. He made the bathroom as accessible to me as possible, but it was awkward as could be and really hurt. It had a shower and we had a chair, but at first, sponge baths were all I could handle and those were with tears. Vicky and Stormy couldn't stand it, such soft hearts. They would put lotion on. So good with massages! 

It took 8 months before I could get off the pain medicines. Bob would write down the times on a wipe-off board and Vicky would go by that faithfully! I don't know what we would have done during that year without them! They made me laugh! They also are ones who find humor in life when there should be tears.

As the year went on, I continued with the webpage and added a couple of assistants because it was too much with a broken hip! I continued with my marketing classes because I was learning so much and at least I felt like I was doing something. I wasn't earning much money, although I did earn some. I think one week I actually earned $97, wow, but I spent a lot more money than that to earn it. Still I was excited to earn it. I wasn't very good at what I was doing and I was spending a lot of money we didn't have, but I felt like I was learning something that I could use later, as soon as I learned it!

Bob continued on the bedroom and the bathroom and the I started being more active on the support group, Your Fibromyalgia, LLC on Facebook. It was growing fast. I was contacted by 2 Who's Who groups and they wanted to do Videos of me and they wanted me to write articles for them. I was shocked and honored! I wrote the articles for both and did the videos. I was really nervous doing the video and ended up doing it in the 5th wheel in the fall.

When I got a call from CUTV for an interview, to say I was surprised is an understatement! I had never done one before and boy can you tell! It is awful! LOL. He said he had watched the video.

Then because of the CUTV interview, I got a call from Empire Radio and ended up doing 5 interviews with them, each one was a little better as I got more used to actually talking to people and being interviewed. It was amazing. None of the people I had ever talked to had ever heard of RSD/CRPS or Fibromyalgia and so explaining these to people in a half an hour seemed impossible.

BBM Global Network called me next. They left a message. They wanted me to do my own show for an hour on Fibromyalgia. I thought someone was pulling my leg, so I didn't call them back. I mean really, who on earth would want ME to do a radio show of my own! ME, Deb Lundquist! They called again and had to leave another message. Again, I didn't call them back. After the 3rd call, I decided I would nip this in the bud and I called them back.

When they answered, I said, 'Someone named Eddie keeps calling me.' 'Oh, I'm sorry, they are all in a production meeting. Can I leave a message?' Now, I'm thinking, see it's some kind of prank, there isn't any Eddie. 'Sure, this is Deb Lundquist and . ' 'Hold on, did you say Deb Lundquist?' 'uh, yeah...' 'oh they are gonna want to talk to you, hold on...they are going to be so excited it's you!' Now, I'm thinking, what?' Next I hear a lot of excited voices. 'Is this Deb Lundquist? The Deb Lundquist with Your Fibromyalgia?' 'uh, yes' Then a different voice 'oh, we have been trying to get a hold of you..' 'yes, how would you like to do your own show..' 'yes we are really..'

They just kept talking over each other. Three different voices so excited and I really couldn't take it all in. Finally, I interrupted them. 'Excuse me, you really want me to do an hour online radio show weekly on Fibromyalgia?' 'YES!!!!' 'When?' 'As soon as we can get you prepared!' 'You get to name it, write your own bio, create your own shows every week, everything. It's yours.' So, I mean when someone says this to you and they seam to be so excited, but they are in New York, what is the next thing you ask. 'Where would I do this?' 'In your own home.' 'Really? I mean is this for real?' They all laughed, 'Yes, it is for real and we are very excited! This show is very needed and your are the very person to do it!' 'Why me?' 'Because we have heard your interviews and you have a lot more to say!' 'Yes, I do. Okay, why not!'

That is how Lives Changed came to exist. It is fun and exciting and coming up with ideas every week is challenging, but the group and the Holy Spirit keep me going.

In November, there was a summit for the marketing group I was in, Greg Gomez, III and I wanted to go so badly, so Bob said okay. My hip still wasn't healed, but the Doctor said I could go. I didn't quite realize it, but I ended up being a speaker about how to grow a Facebook group, and Greg was so excited to discover I hand landed a Radio Show. None of his students had ever done that. 

Also, I met face to face someone who has turned into a great friend, Will Lince. One night during the Summit, he handed me a bottle of Limu and asked me to give it a try. I told him I would when I got home. I forgot about it for about a week until Will called and then I started drinking it, 2 oz twice a day.

Now you might ask, what is Limu and that is a good question. Limu is actually a seaweed extract that is mixed with mango juice, apple juice, pear juice and papaya juice. It has something in it called Fucoidan. It is actually a super powered nutritional drink and tastes like mango with a bit of pizzazz. It is not a medication and is not meant to replace a medication. However, within a week of drinking just 2 oz twice a day, I had a very gentle cleansing of my body which I badly, oh so badly needed. I was so constipated. TMI?

A week later, I not only ordered a case, but I became a promoter. I increased how much I was drinking to 4 oz twice a day and started noticing a slow change in my body. I stopped taking the doTERRA supplements because they were really irritating my stomach for some reason. (I now know from an endoscopy that I had a very irritated opening at the top of my stomach with a small hiatal hernia which has now healed. Not with medication. I actually stopped a medication and treated it holistically with aloe and some other things.) I find drinking my nutrients is so much easier on my tummy. Anyway, I was really enjoying what was happening to my body. You know that Fibromyalgia and the other diseases that we have steal nutrients from our bodies and if we don't replace them we will only get worse. This has been confirmed by Dr. Ginerva Lipkin. God made our bodies to be beautiful and marvelous machines. When we give them the right foods, they can function at top rate. However, in today's world, our food isn't what it was 100 years ago and we need to supplement it with top quality nutrients especially if we are ill. 

Now, I keep the Limu in the frig because it tastes better chilled, it tastes like mango juice with a bit of a twang to it. I love it. At the end of the first month, I noticed that my IBS seemed to have gone bye bye. I have had it all my life! I told Bob and he said 'what is the change?' I said, 'the only difference I've made is the Limu' Now again, I am not making a medical claim here, all I am saying is that my body, being given the proper nutrition is acting like God intended.

A quiet Christmas came and went and before we knew it, it was the was the New Year. I would start working on the show after the new year when I got the microphone.

We Retire

Someone forgot to tell Bob as he and his brother work the ground here getting ready to plant. The first year we moved to the farm, it was a very late planting season. On the right side, you see the corner of the old milk house and in the background you can see the bottom of turbines as we sit in the middle of a wind farm. When Bob isn't helping farming, he is restoring the farmhouse. He has installed a lot of windows and has still has 6 more to replace. There are a lot of windows in this house and I love it. Lots of sunshine! It really improves a person's mood to have sunshine inside the house. We didn't have that at the other house. Meanwhile, while Bob keeps busy with all of that, I keep busy with the support group, the Radio Show, and this page.

We bought a 5th-wheel trailer when we retired so we could go on vacations and such and, as it turns out, I use it when Bob works on the house when he is using tools that are too loud for me and the dog. In the mornings, I go to the trailer to finish my sleep. Sometimes, when Bob is working all day in the house, I will work in the trailer as well.

During 2015 when we moved to the farm, we were not ready to move into the house so we lived in the trailer. In November, while the men were harvesting I was thrown from the trailer. That is what it felt like. It felt like someone put a hand on my chest and pushed me and I landed on the grass. I woke up with the dog licking my face. I laid there and took stock of my body to be sure of where I was. I realized I was okay, but I was going to be sore for a while. I slowly got up just to be sure I didn't hurt anything and then sat in the chair for a while before I tried to get back into the trailer again. A couple of weeks later, I got into the trailer, all the way in and I felt like a hand pushed me in the chest again. This time, I was a good 6 feet off the ground and I landed a good 5 feet away from the trailer. I turned myself halfway through the fall so I wouldn't land on my back and I landed hard on my left hip. I laid there for a while praying. Mugsy, good boy that he was, stayed in the trailer. I got up and I crawled to the chair and sat for a while. I had left my purse on the table so I didn't have to go into the trailer to get it and I had my phone. So I called Bob, but he was at the other house, 35 miles away, so he couldn't help. I called my brother-in-law but he was in the field so he couldn't help. It was really late in the season, November, and I didn't want to pull him out of the field. My sister-in-law was in town, so I headed that way trying to catch her. I passed her on the way home and waved like a lunatic. She thought I was just happy to see her. So with broken left hip, although I didn't know it was broken in 2 places, I drove to the ER 20 miles away. By the time I got there and got the attention of the EMTs, the shock was wearing off and I was feeling the pain and I realized I had broken some ribs as it was very hard to breath. After I got 10 lectures on not calling 911 and did I know what the number for 911 was, I finally blew up and said if they didn't help me get inside of the hospital, I would walk in myself. Then I said, 'even though I've broken my hip and a couple of ribs.' Then the EMTs got with it and got a bed instead of one of those little things and put me on a backboard and tried to lay me flat. Well, I couldn't breath and I kept trying to tell someone I couldn't breath but I couldn't talk loud enough to get anyone's attention. When I got to the room in the ER, the nurse thought I was faking the whole thing. She was so rude to me. She couldn't understand why I was breathing so funny and she wouldn't even listen to me when I said I had broken ribs and the backboard was making it impossible to breath. I asked her for something for pain because I knew I had broken my hip and she said she knew I hadn't, I was just there for drugs. She didn't believe I had RSD or Fibromyalgia as a matter of fact, she told me, Fibromyalgia was a myth.

Just then, when ​the Doctor walked into the room, she heard what the nurse said about me faking my breathing. She said, 'listen to the way she is breathing instead of lecturing her. She has broken ribs. We have to get this backboard off of her so she can breath.' The nurse looked at her and said, 'are you sure?' The Doctor just looked at her and said, 'just go get a lot of pillows, like 8.' The she started to get me unstrapped from the backboard. When the pillows came she started to place them behind me and she made sure that I was as comfortable as possible. Then she took my blood pressure because the nurse hadn't done it and all the rest of it. She said you are starting to come out of shock, but your pupils are still dilated. I told her that is what I was trying to tell the nurse but she was sure I was high. Well, I heard the nurse get a talking to and then she ordered x-rays. I figured they would bring a wheelchair and take me to x-ray, but they brought a portable and would not let me move. It didn't take long and the doctor with nurse came in and the Doctor said I had broken my hip in 2 places and had broken 2 ribs plus my back was probably going to be quite sore. The blood tests showed that I had no opioids in my blood, so she was sending my home with some hydrocodone and I was to see the orthopedic doctor the next day. By that time, Bob had come and his brother so that Bob could drive me home and his brother drove the truck home. They fixed up a place in the house for us to sleep and my perfect dream of a husband continues to live up to the dream I had years and years ago.

The Change…

Let me introduce you to doTERRA:

I was amazed that three oils could take care of my migraines and I had to learn how they worked. Zena, don't you love that name? The perfect name for a Gypsy. She explained they are not medications, they do not cure or heal anything. What they are, are from the earth. They come from plants, all parts of the plants. You can have two completely different oils come from the same plant, but from different parts. I find it fascinating. Oils can come from the roots, stems, the branches, bark, leaves, the blooms, the flowers, and the stamens. These plants have never been touched by chemicals. Plus, they are grown all over the world, even in third-world countries. These oils are 100% pure. There is nothing in them but the oil that is said to be in them. They are quite potent so you don't need to use much to get the most out of them and they are therapeutic-grade oils which means that they work WITH your body so that your body can do what God intended it to do. 

Not only that but doTERRA has several outside companies testing the oils to test for purity. The oils are tests from distilling to each individual bottle. Plus each and every single batch is tested. 

Back to my story, after I bought the oils for the migraines, I called Zena in about three days and asked her if she had anything for pain. In 5 minutes, she was at the door. She handed me a tube of something called 'Deep Blue.' It was a cream and she told me to put it on my feet. So I did. In less than five minutes, my pain had diminished immensely! I couldn't believe it! I asked her to explain to me again how this stuff works again because it works so fast on me! She said it ​was able to go through your skin and into your bloodstream and flow through your entire body. Your body works with oil, this particular oils helps your body handle pain. She also said these oils can actually get through the cell walls which is very beneficial if you get ill or some such.

Then she said her sister had Fibromyalgia and that she took the supplements to help her with the pain. ​She said that the supplements can really help in so many ways and that it takes about a week to get the full effect. Then she said something that really surprised me. She said that both the 'Deep Blue' and the 'Supplements' had anti-inflammatory properties in them. Well I thought about it. I was already taking vitamins, but I was still getting sick, so I switched and started taking taking doTERRA's supplements plus Terrazyme because I don't have a gallbladder any more. I also started taking their probiotic. I started taking a product called On-Guard because I always was getting sick. It took 4 years before I got pneumonia. I took care of it with oils, but I did go to the Doctor to get diagnosed. They wanted to put me on antibiotics, but I said no. I was over it in 5 days. It was wonderful. Zena had said it would take me a week to feel a difference with the Supplements. It took me 4 days. I was flabbergasted! I mean I was taking a really good vitamin when I changed over and so it shouldn't have mattered, but it did! The longer I was on them, the better I felt. When I got home, 3 months later, I joined as a wellness advocate. 

I made a Doctor's appointment for my 3-month check and after the blood test he started taking me off this medication and that medication. He lowered dosages and was surprised at my blood sugar levels. He was really surprised with my​ migraine improvement and the fact that my neck was moving. He said he wanted me to continue with physical and massage therapies. My Bob had been researching while I was gone and made an appointment for me at the Mettler Center. Ben was wonderful and continued with my therapy. He is great! 

As I continued with the doTERRA, I continued to feel better, I continued to drop medication at my Doctor's suggestion and eventually went from 22 medications to 9, until we started renovations on the farmhouse. Then the Doctor put me on 2 inhalers. It is so wonderful to not have to take so many medications. But let me be clear. doTERRA Essential oils, are NOT medications! They are oils that work with the body so that the body can work as God intended.

…And Then …

Realizing that something was missing in my life, I started searching and researching again. I didn't have Osteoporosis, but I kept getting sick and I was constantly on antibiotics. Because I was on antibiotics so much, I had to be on strong ones and always for at least for 3 to 4 weeks. I absolutely hated it. I drank a lot of tea and pop or some people call it soda. I didn't drink that much water. I was on a really good vitamin regimen and the guy I was getting them from was trying to help me figure out what was wrong.  

This continued for several years. My beautiful Granddaughter was born and my wonderful Grandson was born with the greatest brown eyes that just melt my heart. I babysat them when I could but it was hard and I often had to cancel at the last moment which didn't go over well, as you might imagine. 

Then my complex chronic migraines started and my neck froze in one position, forward. I simply couldn't move it at all. The Neurologist gave me a shot in the back of the head without explaining what he was going to do and I thought I was going to pee my pants. It did nothing. He sent me to Physical Therapy and that didn't do any good. Then, he put me on 2 very strong medications that should not have been given to me outside of the surgery room, or at least a hospital setting. One was Versed which is a drug they give you during surgery so that you will forget everything that happens during surgery and the other I forget because I was on Versed. I had to write down when I took it because otherwise it would have been too easy to overdose on those. I was also taking advil. None of it worked. I was supposed to be babysitting at the time, but the kids were babysitting me. When it was time to  eat, I had to be woken up. My Grandson would poke me in the nose and say 'Nana, nana, nana' and I would wake up and then he would poke me in the nose and say 'Nana, nana, nana' chew and I would chew. Then he would poke me in the nose and say 'Nana, nana, nana' swallow and I would swallow. That is how I would eat and the same would happen when I drank something. 

This went on for a time, then I went to physical therapy, well someone drove me, as you might imagine I didn't feel like I was safe to drive. Physical therapy said that they didn't feel like they were making any progress, so they were dismissing me. I was shocked. My next appointment with the Doctor, I was going to complain to the Doctor but his office called and said they were dismissing me as their patient because they felt that I was just using them for drugs. I couldn't believe they both dismissed me on the same day and I still couldn't move my head and my head hurt so bad I couldn't think. When Bob came home, I was crying. To say he was angry is an understatement.

Cecil was pregnant and it was getting close to her time and she was having a lot of pain. She wanted me out there. She lived in Washington State at that time and worked at a Christian All-Year Camp. She loved it. It is where she met her husband Z. So, I called her Neurologist and made an appointment and through them made an appointment with Physical Therapy and Massage Therapy which was in the same place. My Granddaughter was so upset about me flying in the condition I was in, that she called Cecil and explained everything that was happening and how I was behaving. She said she didn't think I was safe flying by myself. Everyone was consulted and it was decided I was going to be okay if I told the airline attendant what was going on with me. So that is what I did. I don't even remember the trip.

When I got off the plane, there was a wheelchair waiting for me. He took me to get my luggage and there were my Cecil and Z waiting for me. They could not believe how bad I looked. I kept saying I don't feel good, I need to eat. Over and over and over again. Well as it turns out, in the airport while waiting for the plane, I was sitting next to a woman who had a security dog. She had Epilepsy. The dog had been sleeping on the floor and I had been playing games on my phone, when all of the sudden I noticed the dog's ears perked straight up and he looked straight at me. I quit playing my game and looked at the dog and the woman next to me quit talking to her companion and looked at me. The dog sat up and put his paw on my knee and then his head on his paw. I said 'Hello' and the woman asked if I had Diabetes and I told I did and asked her why. She said the dog was giving the signal for low blood sugar and that I needed to get something to eat NOW. She took my hand and the dog walked between us right by my knee. She took me to a smoothie shop and bought me a smoothie. I drank the whole thing. Now that would normally be okay, except I'm allergic to milk and I wasn't alert enough to realize smoothies were made with milk. After we got to Cecil's house, she put me to bed, but I couldn't sleep. Two days later, we went to the Neurologist. He took one look at the medicines that I was given, swore like a sailor, and threw them in the garbage. He asked what kind of Doctor gave you them. I told him and he said never again. So he gave me shots to give myself, but all they did was stop me from vomiting. Then I started the two therapies. Can I say, I have never had massages like the ones I have had like the ones there? Two hour massages that actually put me to sleep. She would massage my entire body, well not my privates, she also concentrated on my shoulders, back, neck, and my head. She would say 'your neck and head are so tight and stiff.' I loved it when she gave my head massages. She didn't use oils, but she used lots of lotions. Whenever I am back in Washington I go back for Massages. Between the physical therapy and massage therapy, they unfroze my neck, thank the Good Lord! Sometimes I still do the exercises and I really need to do them more!!!! It is unlocked though and I am very happy!

When I got off the plane, there was a wheelchair waiting for me. He took me to get my luggage and there were my Cecil and Z waiting for me. They could not believe how bad I looked. I kept saying I don't feel good, I need to eat. Over and over and over again. Well as it turns out, in the airport while waiting for the plane, I was sitting next to a woman who had a security dog. She had Epilepsy. The dog had been sleeping on the floor and I had been playing games on my phone, when all of the sudden I noticed the dog's ears perked straight up and he looked straight at me. I quit playing my game and looked at the dog and the woman next to me quit talking to her companion and looked at me. The dog sat up and put his paw on my knee and then his head on his paw. I said 'Hello' and the woman asked if I had Diabetes and I told I did and asked her why. She said the dog was giving the signal for low blood sugar and that I needed to get something to eat NOW. She took my hand and the dog walked between us right by my knee. She took me to a smoothie shop and bought me a smoothie. I drank the whole thing. Now that would normally be okay, except I'm allergic to milk and I wasn't alert enough to realize smoothies were made with milk. After we got to Cecil's house, she put me to bed, but I couldn't sleep. Two days later, we went to the Neurologist. He took one look at the medicines that I was given, swore like a sailor, and threw them in the garbage. He asked what kind of Doctor gave you them. I told him and he said never again. So he gave me shots to give myself, but all they did was stop me from vomiting. Then I started the two therapies. Can I say, I have never had massages like the ones I have had like the ones there? Two hour massages that actually put me to sleep. She would massage my entire body, well not my privates, she also concentrated on my shoulders, back, neck, and my head. She would say 'your neck and head are so tight and stiff.' I loved it when she gave my head massages. She didn't use oils, but she used lots of lotions. Whenever I am back in Washington I go back for Massages. Between the physical therapy and massage therapy, they unfroze my neck, thank the Good Lord! Sometimes I still do the exercises and I really need to do them more!!!! It is unlocked though and I am very happy!

Cecil was really in a lot of pain. More than she should have been and I really didn't like it, so I went to her next Drs appt with her. She knew she was going to have a little boy and he was giving her trouble. Cecil didn't tell her Dr she was in pain, so I said 'don't you have something else you want to talk to her about?' She said 'no Mom, it's normal I'm sure.' I told her it wasn't and so I looked at the Dr. myself and told her that my Cecil was in a lot of pain. She asked my Cecil how high her pain level was and when she said 9, the Dr. told her to lay down again. She did something to help her go into Labor.

She went to the maternity ward about 3 times before I finally would not allow them to send her home. She wanted to do labor naturally, but with her active endometriosis the pain was just too bad and between the nurse, her best friend and myself, she finally agreed to an epidural. Finally, her little red-headed baby arrived and Z and I were there to help with the whole thing. Everyone kept trying to get me to sit down, but even though I was in pain, this was something I was not going to miss. I am so glad I was there. It truly was a miracle! 

The Doctor put my little Grandson, Kins, on Cecil's tummy and he wiggled his way up to her chin. He never cried until they took him away from her to weigh him, clean him up, get his foot print and all that stuff that they have to do. As soon as they put him back on her, he stopped crying. She tried nursing him, but he was too tired. So the nurse put him in the little bed and Cecil went sound to sleep. Kins got cranky, so I picked him up and put him under my chin and he settled right down and then I started humming and we have had a close relationship to this day. 

Two weeks later, Bob came to meet Kins. He had been out there for about 3 days when he said, let's go for a drive and get everyone out of the apartment for a while. So we bundled little Kins up and headed out to the van. My migraine was still really bad so I had on a floppy hat, sunglasses and my eyes were at half mast. I was walking very carefully with a cane.

All of the sudden, a woman came running out of one of the lower apartments and came to a halt right in front of me. She looked like a hippie, she calls herself a gypsy. 'You have a migraine don't you' I just stared. 'I can help you if you will let me.' I thought to myself, sure no one else can, but to her I said 'Ok.' So, she said 'don't go away, I'll be right back.' When she returned, she had a box with some little bottles. I had no idea what she had. She was also talking on the phone. She asked if she could put 'these' on me. I said sure although I didn't know what these were. Then she put some 'drops' in the palm of one hand and had me rub my hand together and then breath together. 'Have a nice drive.' I said, 'that's it?' She said 'yep, let me know how you feel when you get back.' So we took off. Ten minutes later, my complex chronic migraine that no one had been able to touch that I had had for months, was completely gone. I felt like little scrubbing bubbles were cleaning my brain and my whole body was relaxing. It was truly amazing. When we got back I told her my experience and told her I wanted a gallon of whatever it was. She told me she has used doTERRA Essential Oils on me.

I Am Such A Glutz

When I came to, I called Bob and said I need you to come home. He said he knew, Cecil had called him. I told him I thought I had broken my wrist. I don't think I hung up the phone. I passed out again. When I woke up again, there he was, kneeling next to me. He asked me what I thought we should do, I said I wasn't sure, so call my cousin who was an EMT. I must have closed my eyes because when I next opened them, DK was there as well as Dent. DK said 'You are going to have to go to the hospital in an ambulance, sweetheart.' I said, 'I know, but would you promise me something. Would you give me Versed so I won't remember being moved? I broke my wrist and at some point it is really going to start hurting.' He said, 'Are you sure you broke your wrist?' and I said I was. So he wanted to check my sugar. About that time, the ambulance came. I don't remember much after that. Wonderful Versed. I woke up every once in a while to 'Honey what drugs are you allergic to?' and I remember saying, 'Fentanyl and ...' then I'd hear, 'yes sweetie we know, but what else?' 'Ask he...' 'Which he?' 'You know...he?' Then I'd go to sleep again. Well they had a problem with 'he' because there was DK, Dent, and Bob none of which were in the ambulance with me, lol. Finally, in the ER a nurse came in again and she said, 'Sweetie, what are you allergic to?' 'Fentanyl and ... ' 'Yes, Sweetie we know but what else?' 'Please ask he...' 'Which he?' Just then Bob walked in ... and I cried 'HE!' So the nurse turned to him as he walked over to me and took my right hand. I had tears running down my face, I was so frustrated. So the nurse, asked him who he was and then started answering the questions. He asked me if I was in pain. When I said yes, the nurse ran out of the room and I don't remember anything else for a week. Honestly!

Apparently, I broke the big bone and it then slid into the little bone and sliced it in two. I was taken immediately into surgery. They fixed my bones, which were a hair from my wrist, they put in a plate with 4 screws. 4 very long screws. Screws so long that they are now causing me problems, but that is for later. I am so surprised that this didn't bring the RSD/CRPS back! The Doctor was shocked at how fast I healed, how well the bones knit together, so that at the end of 8 weeks they couldn't even see the break.

So now I was back in therapy again. This time it was with a different clinic. Now because of my experience with the RSD/CRPS, I already knew the exercises to do for my wrist and was already doing them when I went to therapy. They were painful, but I wanted to get my wrist back to full capacity. I also wanted to figure out why my knees were giving out, but none of the doctors seemed to be worried about that! I hadn't found the right doctor. I hadn't found the right therapist. I also hadn't found the right nutrition. I still had a lot of research to do. 

I was so frustrated that I kept getting these difficulties. I kept getting sick, so obviously my immune system had a major problem. It was time to research that! I kept breaking things. What was up with that? I was not a happy camper!

My New Life Without Pain Meds

Now to learn what Fibromyalgia really is. Research time! Get out the notebooks, start interviewing anyone who will talk to me. Get out the phone! Sleep, good grief I'm tired! Good thing I'm taking notes! Hunting online! Good thing I can identify bad research, there sure is a lot of it out there and some really funny stuff too. It's almost like 'did you hear the one about ... '

I really hate that because I know that there are gullible people out there who are going to believe these things and then are going to be let down. It looks like I'm going to have to write articles because there are a lot of holes, a lot of holes. 

This is how I kept myself going during this time. Researching and letting God lead me and guide me. The Doctors kept trying me on this medicine and that medicine and I simply could not take them. I reacted so badly. I could hardly walk because of the RSD/CRPS so I was sent to Physical Therapy. I went to one and wasn't overly impressed, but I went. I can't say that they really did a lot for me, but they were with the Clinic and I think that they weren't all that involved with me. I was feeling weak and didn't feel like I was really gaining. 

I started coughing and nothing I did could stop the coughing. My chest was really hurting, so I went to the Doctor. By the time we went, I could hardly sit up for more than 2 minutes, so I might have waited a bit long. Breathing was getting really hard as well. When I registered, the woman took one look at me and told me to sit down immediately. As soon as I sat down, the nurse was there to hold my arm and help me to the closest room. The Doctor was in the room waiting. She listened to my chest, took my temp and announced I had Legionnaires Disease. How I got that I have no idea!

I was immediately put in the hospital where I was put on oxygen. I was also put on IV antibiotics and the Respiratory Dept came 3 times a day. So much for any kind of sleep. When I got home, I was told I was to be on bed rest for at least a week. Well grand. Life just could not get worse!

My cousin came to live with us, so it was easy to stay in bed, but one night I wanted to tell Bob something. Just as I got to the doorway, my knees gave out. I fell like a lead balloon! My right foot turned upside down and I ended up with an entire foot bruise on my bottom. I broke the 3 middle bones on the top of my foot about an eighth of an inch from my ankle. Boy oh boy did I scream! And scream! And cough! Bob came running, took one look at me and got the wheelchair. It was a struggle getting me into that thing. He took me to the couch, propped my foot up and went and got some ice. By the time he got back it was already swelling so I said I thought we better wrap it.

three hours later we were at the ER. I said, 'since I think I just sprained it, watch I broke a bone.' The Doctor walked in just then and said '3 actually' Life was not going the right direction at all!

The next day, we went to a foot ortho. I just loved him! He looked at me and said that I was headed to surgery. I was afraid the RSD would come back. He also said I would need a plate. I had to wait a week though until the swelling went down. 

I was back on pain pills, but I told him I only wanted hydrocodone and nothing stronger. I was so disappointed. I didn't want anything, but I couldn't stand the pain. Anyway, to surgery we went. I remember very little. I know we did not have to have a plate. He didn't have to even open the skin. He said that he was able to manipulate the bones into place without having to open me up and put in a plate.  So I was put into a cast for 12 weeks and then a boot for another 8 weeks and then a cane for another 8 weeks. It took forever to heal. Then I got off the pain pills again.

About a year later, I got pneumonia and back on bedrest I went. This time, my caretakers were my daughter-in-law and my Granddaughter. My foot was still sore, so I was supposed to have it raised for swelling, my Fibro was misbehaving, I felt like crap and I was thirsty as can be. So one day, my caregivers were very late, like over an hour, and I was so dry I needed something to drink so bad, so I thought I can get my own drink. It doesn't take that long. I called my daughter so if something happened, I'd have her on the phone. With cane in the other hand, I headed for the kitchen. I leaned the cane against the counter and the phone on the counter on speaker phone. Then I held on to the counter as I opened the Frig and got out the tea pitcher. I poured the tea into my glass and then my knees gave out again and down I went. The phone landed on the floor, the glass landed on the floor just right, the pitcher however, landed between my legs upside down and it was so cold. I landed on the floor, holding my left hand out to try to catch myself and yelled 'ow, ow, ow, ow, .....' My daughter kept saying 'Mom do you need help, Mom, Mom, Mom...' I said 'Yes call Daddy...' and then I passed out for about 10 minutes.

Faith Takes Over

During this time, I spent a lot of time depending completely on God to lead me through life. Getting off of Oxycontin was difficult, but I was doing okay, although the shakiness was making me crazy. The nurse said I going too fast if I was shaky, but I wanted off of that damn stuff! Every time I took a pill, I felt like vomiting because I felt like I was putting poison in my body. I had already discovered that I was making my Fibromyalgia worse by taking pain medication and the pain from the Fibromyalgia was bad enough. 

Finally, I was taking that poison every other day, so I stopped. Just stopped. About 8 hours after my 2 days were up, I got so much nervous energy I starting running around the house like the little 'Energizer Bunny' on uppers. It scared my family to death. I felt like my heart was going to explode. I just ran and ran and ran. Our house was one of those that you could run in circles pretty easily and I did. Around and around and around. This seemed to last forever and then I ran into Bob's arms and said 'just hold me really really hard and don't let me explode.' And he did. When it stopped, I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle. I was weak and shaken to the core and Bob had to hold me upright to get me to the couch. 

Bob quietly asked me if I was all right. Our daughter had gotten a wet wash cloth and was washing my face and neck. Her girlfriend was watching the whole thing in horror. My daughter asked 'Mom is it over?' I smiled and said it was and I had lived through it. I thanked them all for helping me and then I said 'don't EVER do drugs!' I was done! I was finally off Oxycodone!

When I told the nurse what happened, she told me I had as much as almost gone off cold turkey. I asked her how that could be, when I was at the 2-day level? She said the way you reacted tells me that you weren't ready to stop completely. You could have had a heart attack.  Well, I guess I had my Angels watching over me again. Never will I go on that garbage again. Since then I have discovered Oxycodone is synthetic heroin. Really!!! What the ... to tell you the truth, that makes me angry as ... if I hadn't been determined not to become an addict, I would have ended up on heroin and ruined my family!

Why in God's name would Doctor's give that to anyone, knowing what it is? Why are the drug companies allowed to create this? It is like the government is allowing them to create a legal synthetic illegal drug and handing it out patients willy nilly without telling them what it is and how dangerous it is. It is totally outrageous to me! Since I have been on it, and was dependent on it, not addicted, and now I have gotten off of it, I hold the government as responsible for the addiction crisis of this drug as the drug companies for making it, as well as the Doctors who are getting kickbacks for handing out these drugs. And did I say I am angry?

My Life Evolves

After the hysterectomy, a whole bunch of new problems started, like severe migraines. I lived with this migraine for 3 years until I went to Oak Brook. A Professor where I worked at the time, forced me to go to this Doctor because he had helped his wife. I went when the Professor made the appointment for me. When I went it was the strangest appointment I have ever had. First, he had me stop in the doorway and smile. That seemed weird to me. Then, he told me to sit down in the chair. He turned to Bob and asked him a lot of questions and would not allow me to talk. I was surprised by Bob's answers. When the Doctor turned to me, he could see I was surprised. He said that was why he asked the husband questions first, to get the real story. Then he said, you are low in this and this before he even took blood tests or examined me. I asked him how he knew and he answered by the color of the whites of your eyes, the skin around the eyes, the color of my gums, my skin etc. When it was all over, he put me on a low dose of estrogen, progesterone and thyroid. Within 3 days my migraine was gone. Not only that, but my hair that had gone completely strange and was straight in some places and fine in others while coarse in others, was now tight and curly. I couldn't even get a pick through the curls. It was the craziest thing! So this was my second autoimmune disease. I went to a hormone specialist and he said that 80% of people who develop Thyroid disease will develop Diabetes. I went home and cried. Two years later I developed Diabetes II. My 3rd autoimmune disease. Things were not going my way.

You know that at this point, I was young, in my 40's, and yet I was beginning to feel really old. I was beginning to feel tired and I felt like it was hard getting my diet right with the Diabetes II. Then I started a business of my own. ReTouch of Class. I loved having my own business. The freedom of having my own business. However, it only lasted 2 years for many reasons and so I started running it out of my house. That was much better actually, lower overhead, I could do house chores during breaks, I could do photographic retouching and when I needed a break I could do my MLM. One day as I was doing the MLM part of the business, I was headed home after making a great sale and I turned onto a County Road and ended up in a head-on collision. All the Emergency people said I should have died, but the Good Lord was watching out for me. I guess He had other plans. I acquired RSD/CRPS which is Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome instantly. I was fortunate. I was diagnosed within 2 weeks. Most people don't get diagnosed for years and by then it is firmly entrenched. The first Doctor I went to who was supposed to be an expert in RSD/CRPS, was so wishy/washy that she gave me 9 diagnosis but none were RSD/CRPS. However, all of the names she gave me were names that were names used for RSD. She gave me a shot in the shoulder that turned my whole arm black and said 'OMG what just happened?' We looked at her and I said 'You are the doctor, you are supposed to know.' 45 minutes later, my arm turned bleached white. She sent me home and told me never to get acupuncture because my nerves were in the wrong place. She was an acupuncturist as well. The neurologist who gave me blocks told me that test was positive for RSD. When I called for another appointment with her, her secretary told me she didn't want to see me again.

At 45, I was officially retired, but not the way I wanted to be. The occupational therapist came out to the house and announced I was completely disabled. I couldn't even open a jello container. I couldn't hold a knife to spread peanut butter. I had to write with my left hand because I couldn't hold a pen or anything for that matter with my right hand and couldn't hold anything in my right arm. Her exams usually took one day, but with me it took 2 because I could stand a full day, so she had to come back a second day.

After this doctor, dismissed me after 3 months, I curled up into a miserable little ball. I lost all of my friends. My church didn't help me. As a matter of fact, they didn't believe me at all and almost stole our daughter from us. It was a close thing and we saved her by one day! She was a teenager. It is a horrible story, that I won't go into too deeply, but we never went back to that church as long as that team was there. I know that God asks us to forgive, this is one I have a very hard time with and pray daily for help. Most people at that church have no idea and to this day, most of them don't even know I am sick. We finally moved and I get more support from this church then I ever did from that one. Enough. I finally got angry at myself and got on the computer and found a support group and asked if there was a Doctor who could help me in IL. Finally, I found a Doctor and Psychologist in Chicago at Rush. They were awesome and the first day they promised they would never abandon me. I cried. They gave me medication so that my legs and arms wouldn't just go flying up in the air for no reason. They put me in the hospital for an epidural and physical therapy so that they could get my frozen shoulder to move. They had to make up exercises for me. It was an awful time. The psychologist put me on the first suicide watch. I told her I wouldn't commit suicide. It wasn't my right. God put me on this earth and He was the only one who could take me off, but she didn't believe me. Bob called the church. They didn't do anything, again. You would think that they would but, ....

During my active RSD/CRPS years, several of us went to Washington, DC and walked the halls and tunnels of Congress, talking to many in the House & Senate bring awareness of RSD/CRPS to the Hill. The pain was almost beyond bearing, but I felt I was doing it for the good of all. After the first time, when there were only 4 of us, my friend Tom and I created trips once or twice a year. We would assign jobs for people to do and by the end we would have 16-20 people head to DC with us. There would be 1 RSD-er and 1 well person. If an RSD-er could not bring a well person, they could not go. We always had one suite for training and eating together and regrouping. Then we had a group of rooms together and then we would be in DC a week. We would split up and visit as many legislators as possible during the week and at night we would eat and compare notes. We were always well received. I remember several times I would be asked to stay behind so that I could be asked more questions and then more Senators would join in the discussion. My Bob went once and my daughter went once. She could get around those tunnels like no one else. She was never lost. I never knew where I was! LOL. Then, I was asked to speak to a medical panel of Congressmen. In this group that was speaking were 4 Doctors and Ed McMann from the Jerry Lewis MD Foundation, also the Johnny Carson show. I had 5 minutes to speak. Boy was it hard getting everything that I wanted to say in 5 minutes! Anyway, there wasn't a dry eye on the Congressional Panel. All the Doctors speaking were all nodding their heads yes at everything I said. Ed McMann was crying and he was there to speak about Jerry's kids. Afterwards, he stopped me and asked if he could hug me. When I said sure, he asked how, so I hugged him instead and showed him how to hug me. Then a week later, I testified before the Maryland Congress.

Once Cecil understood what was going on with me and understood why I wasn't working, she finished high school early. She started college early as well but when she realized we were in trouble financially. She quit college and started working full-time. She would hand her check to her Dad to help pay for our bills so we wouldn't have to claim bankruptcy. We got food from the food pantry and Bob's Mom helped so much! God Bless her! She never doubted me! That summer, I got a call from my Mom's cousin in Western Canada. She was coming to Winnipeg and wanted me to meet her there. I was just telling her that I didn't have the money to come when Cecil walked in the door. 'Tell her we are coming.' She had a huge smile on her face. So I told her we would come and that Cecil was going to pay for it. When I got off the phone, I asked if she had met her fairy Godmother. She told me 'Sorta' she had landed a really great babysitting job. So she did babysitting during the day and got paid really well and then worked full time too. Then she paid for a wonderful 2 week vacation to Winnipeg and a great time. We spent the 10 days in Winnipeg talking and talking. You would have never known we had never met before. We also compared notes and did genealogy. They wanted to know about Grandpa, that is a whole other long story, and Mom and us and then we compared history. We compared old stories and compared storied from their parents and stories from Grandpa. It was fun. We talked about Whitewater, WI which our family founded and the history and family and I told them what I had found and the pictures. It was so much fun. Then we came home to reality again. Yes, I was in pain, but Cecil had her Eagle Eye on me and made sure I took care of myself and I wasn't going to let anything take this once in a lifetime family gathering away from me. Monica had MS I think and was in a wheelchair. She was a pacer, lol, and a talker. I adored her. She was our cousin Jimmy's wife. That wheelchair went back and forth and back and forth. She apologized. She said I can't think if I don't pace, lol. We all laughed at that. She was adorable. Joan and her daughters were adorable too. Now I've gotten in contact with Joan's grandson. I'm very excited about that too. Anyway, I don't know how we would have gotten through those years without Cecil and truly we are closer than ever and we now are best friends. It is wonderful!

I had a mentor after I joined that support group. She would come over at least once a month. She lived in Indiana. She also had full-body RSD. She was great and pulled Bob to the side and explained RSD to him. It helped him a lot. When we had the 'issue' with our daughter and the church, it was Pat who found out what was wrong just in the nick of time. And it was Pat who explained RSD to Dent so that he could understand. We owe a LOT to Pat. It was Pat who had me start me going to Dr. Fitz, my current Pain Management Doctor. During our last trip to DC, Pat changed and we had a falling out. She tried to take over my life and I wasn't going to let that happen again. Pat who was a nurse, has since assisted her husband, who had MD and was in the last stage, in his suicide. Then she went home and committed suicide herself. They had made a pact. She said she couldn't live without him. They left 5 boys behind. One was in college, 2 had MD, one they adopted, and one of the boys with MD, the youngest boy, it was his Graduation Day. I will never understand that! She said she had lived with RSD for 15 years and didn't want to live with it any more. I still don't understand. Yes, she was going to lose her husband, but she had 5 boys who needed her. Well, it is not my place to judge and suicide is the #1 cause of death with RSD. May God Bless the boys, now men, she left behind.

My current Pain Management Doctor is the one who put my RSD/CRPS asleep, thank the Good Lord! It finally went 100% to sleep on the day of my nephews wedding, 4 1/2 years after it started. It took me 45 minutes to figure out what was wrong. I remember waking up, jumping, yes jumping out of bed and racing around like a crazy woman getting ready for the wedding. Bob looked at me funny. I said what? and he said nothing. I told him something was wrong, but I didn't have time to figure it out as I took all 22 of my pills, including pain meds. We went downstairs and I told everyone how wonderful they looked as I raced around the kitchen. Now usually I just went to the chair and sat down. I said, yes I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is and I don't have time to figure it out. My brother said you don't know what is wrong? I told him no. He said stop, come here and sit down and think for a minute. It will come to you if you sit down. So I sighed and went to the table and sat down and looked at him. It hit me! OMG Febbie! I don't have any pain! Everyone laughed and cried and it lasted for 7 glorious years!

Six weeks after my RSD was put to sleep, I went to my Pain Management Doctor for a check-up and I told him I had a different kind of pain in my legs. He sent me to a Rheumatologist. She told me I had Fibromyalgia. I told her no, I didn't want that I just had RSD put to sleep. She said I'm sorry but I can't change the facts. You have Fibromyalgia. I went to the car, raised my hands in the air and said 'God I don't appreciate your sense of humor. Now, just what do you want me to do with this?' His answer was immediate and loud! 'EDUCATE!' Well I have learned over the years, to answer when he calls, otherwise He hits me with a 4x4 board and I pay for it. First though I had to learn what Fibromyalgia was. My background is in research. My masters is in Extension Education, but it started out in Genetic Engineering and you do a LOT of research in Genetic Engineering. I learned to love research and so I do a lot of it. Then as I was doing that I was also learning what was working for me in treating my own Fibromyalgia, or rather I should say I was learning what wasn't working for me. At the same, I was weaning myself off of high doses of Hydrocodone and Oxycodone. Fortunately, I was not addicted, but I was dependent and so I had to be very careful while work off of both of them with the Doctor's supervision. Hydrocodone was easy, so I thought Oxycodone would be too. What I didn't think about was the fact that while working off the Hydrocodone, I was still on an opioid, so it wasn't really working off of anything, I was just lowering a dosage. duh. Working off the Oxycodone was another matter.

Marriage & Babies

Sometime around 6 or 7, God decided that if I wasn't going to go to church someone had to teach me about Him and since I was baptized as a baby, He gave that job to the Holy Spirit. So at bedtime when I was supposed to be sleeping, He would start with short lessons after my prayers. It is interesting how that worked. I had a Bible from 'that' church, but I wouldn't open it for fear of what would happen. That fear ran very deep. As I got older, the lessons got longer and I would ask questions if I didn't understand something and I always got answers immediately. I didn't understand how unique my education was until I got older.

By the end of my 17th year, I was engaged and on June 23 of age 19 I was married. I became Catholic at this time, although I didn't believe in confession. When I told the priest this, he said 'well unless you have murdered or raped someone, I don't see that as a problem.' I never understood why I was special over everyone else, but there you go. We lived in the basement in a very little apartment. We were so poor, we couldn't afford food even though we had food stamps. We ate at my Mom and Dads when we weren't eating at his Mom and Dad's. We did laundry at both of our parent's houses. Before we moved, we were doing laundry at my parents and he got really mad at me. He picked me up and started shaking me until he heard my Dad come down the stairs. I was so scared I didn't know what to do, so I ran into the bathroom and hid! We had only been married less than a year. When my husband graduated, we moved to Niles, Michigan. Three days after we got there, he had to leave town for work. He bought me a kitty so I wouldn't be alone. He was gone for 6 weeks. He never came home for the weekends. The first week he was gone, the car had an electrical fire and so for 5 weeks I was left without a vehicle. Mom and Dad came up and bought me groceries every weekend. 

I loved MI. I had a difficult time meeting people, however. Money was tight. I was never allowed to have any money or access to the checkbook so I could never get gas in the car. I was told I was too stupid to be able to handle money. I wanted to go to college, but I was told I was too stupid to do the math. I got pregnant, but it didn't last long. Before I realized I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage. I was very upset and he didn't offer any support, but Mom and Dad came. I was very naive, more so than you could ever realize. I went to the gynecologist and he said I had had a miscarriage and I also had  endometriosis. If I didn't get pregnant again within 6 months, I would never have a child. I believed him. I went home and told my husband. He was not on board with the idea. He was glad I had had the miscarriage, he wasn't ready to be a father. I pleaded. I wanted to be a mother so bad and I only had 6 months to be one. Finally, giving in, I conceived and my baby boy came to be. The Doctor told me that if I carried the baby all the way through, that the endometriosis would sleep for 2 years. The Doctor was wrong. He was wrong about so many things. 

We ended up buying a house. It was an awesome old house, a third of the original house which had built by a Doctor 150 years ago. When his sons got married he split the house in thirds. One third of the house was four doors down and had the original staircase. It was gorgeous. I loved it. We painted the kitchen cupboards yellow, then about 6 months later, he started trying to convince me we never did. So without his knowing, I went and got a chisel and scraped some of the new paint off of the inside of the backside of a lower cabinet door. I knew we had painted it. We had. There was the old color. I bought this beautiful dress that I absolutely loved. It came and I put it on and it fit perfectly, or so I thought. When my husband came home, I surprised him with the dress. I pranced around with it. I still had my ballerina legs and figure and so when I pranced I did it with grace. 'Where did you get that?' 'I bought it. Isn't it beautiful? I love it. It fits me perfectly!' 'No it doesn't. It is ugly! Your legs don't look good any more. You shouldn't be wearing dresses any more. You don't have the body for dresses any more. You should only wear pants or shorts. Besides you don't have anywhere to wear a dress. And where did you get the money? Did you get my permission to buy that? Send it back immediately! You don't buy anything without my permission anymore, do you understand?' My husband started locking the desk after that so that I couldn't get into it at all. At that point, there was absolutely no way I could access the checkbook, so I got a job. I had worked for a doctor's office before, so it was easy getting a job in another one. However, when I got pneumonia, the doctor's wife fired me because I didn't show up for work. I even had a doctor's excuse, but that didn't matter. My husband said that was alright because he didn't want me working anyway. Whenever I cashed my checks, I would put my money away where he wouldn't find it, but he would say 'where is your check? Give me your check.' Eventually, he would win and I still wouldn't have any money. 

My pregnancy continued. It was awful. I went to a different doctor now. This Doctor kept telling me it didn't matter what I did while I was pregnant with my Him/Her, I was going to lose it anyway. My pregnancy was that bad. I had to crawl everywhere I went or I got sick and I was on medication to not get sick. Other people had to keep taking me to the hospital to get shots to stop the vomiting because my husband was never home. If he wasn't working, he was fishing. I had made 'friends' with a woman when I was at the doctor's office where I had worked. I was Dumb Shit #1 and she was Dumb Shit #2. She had a boyfriend and they really liked to fish. So while I was so sick with my pregnancy the 3 of them would go fishing and I would be home alone with the dog and cat. Then I would get a call, 'I'm going to stay for a fish fry, there are a lot of people coming over...' I would start crying, 'but I really need help, I haven't eaten and I am so sick...' 'Well, I'll get you a milkshake and come back.' And that is what he would do. That would be every weekend, every night. 

I was working for the Green Giant Mushroom Farm now. I was not going to stay home all the time by myself. It was so lonely. I loved it! At first, I was a Personnel Secretary and that was great. I had two different bosses, both had military backgrounds but couldn't have been more different. I don't know how I did it really. I do know I ran to the bathroom a lot so I could get sick. There was a horrible accident on the farm side, no details. I was 8 months pregnant. Once all the arrangements had been made, by me, and the widow had all of her issues taken care of, by me, my water broke. Being totally naive, I thought I could stop things and my husband certainly didn't think it was necessary to go to the hospital until my contractions were 3 minutes apart. My labor was 5 hours total. It wasn't pretty and my precious baby boy had the most pointed head for 9 months. I screamed a lot! I was only 2 fingers when he popped out. Someone close to us, the woman's boyfriend, said he was deformed and would be brain damaged. Well, I'm glad to tell you that he is perfect and 40 years old, so that was untrue. 

During the winter, my parents came up and my Mom wanted to go shopping. She said to get our coats on so I wrapped my baby in sweaters and blankets and I put on sweaters and a thin windbreaker. Mom said where is your coat. I said, 'Mom leave it.' She said, 'Where are your boots.' I said, 'Mom, please leave it and let's go before...let's just go.' She didn't say anything. So When we got in the car, Mom wanted to know why I didn't have a winter coat or boots and why my little man didn't have a coat or warm clothes. She wanted to know why there weren't any groceries in the house and why I had to sneak $10 out of the house. She wanted to know why I didn't say good bye and why I didn't want her asking questions with him in the house. I didn't want to answer, but Dad stopped me the car and gave me that look that only Dad's can give. I told them the truth. I had so much fun that day. I got clothes and a coat, a nice warm coat. I got boots. My baby got the cutest, warm clothes, a nice warm coat, little shoes, slippers, and everything he needed. We got groceries, so many groceries. I bought materiel to make badly needed curtains for $5. It was a great day...until we got home and I got yelled at for taking the $10 and spending the $5 for something so frivolous as material! I thought my Dad was going to blow. My husband did say thank you for the groceries.

When I came back to work after the baby was born and he was 9 months old, I worked on the farm side. I fell in love ... with agriculture. I had 19 supervisors! You'd think that would be terrible but there was never a conflict! As a matter of fact, I have never worked at a place where I was so respected and protected, but then I think they knew what was happening at home, well I know they did. One day, the company had a company picnic. We pulled up, my husband got out of the car and immediately started playing volleyball. My little man was just over a year old and wasn't walking yet. I had food to carry in, a baby, and all our picnic stuff. I knew better than to call for help, so I started to try to load everything up when I heard someone walk up to me. 'Give me that.' 'And I'll take that.' Two of the guys who were my age and worked with me on the farm side had been watching the whole thing. They were totally disgusted. They helped me through the whole picnic. They helped me get the food set up, get food for my baby, helped me feed my baby, talked to me while we ate so I wouldn't feel alone. Pretty soon I was completely surrounded by 19 supervisors and their families and no one asked where my husband was. At one point in the afternoon, he showed up and asked if my two colleagues would like to come over the next weekend and play cards after the kid was asleep. I think for my sake they said yes.  At the end of the day, they helped me load the car and when it was done, my husband miraculously reappeared. We didn't talk all the way home. 

When they came over that weekend, I was really nervous. My cooking hadn't been good enough all week, so I didn't know what to expect about the snacks I had made. The dog and cat were well behaved so I wasn't worried about that, but my husband was in a mood and I didn't know what to expect. The house was clean, but still.... We played cards and at one point the guys wanted refills for their drinks. As Missa, the dog, and I were walking out of the room I heard 'would you look at that, when they walk together like that their asses look just alike, only the dog's might be sexier.' I couldn't have been more embarrassed. I stayed in the kitchen longer than I needed too until I heard 'Did you get lost in there?' When I came back out I couldn't look anyone in the face. I just gave everyone their drinks and we continued to play cards. I could tell the guys were angry though because they didn't talk and they left early. They did ask if I wanted to bring the baby and go with them, but I just looked at them in confusion. 

When Monday came, one of my colleagues called me into his office. He had decided he had seen enough and he was going to make me face some realities.   He didn't know everything, but he had guessed enough and he wanted some answers and he wanted them now! We talked for 2 hours. His last question and my immediate answer shocked me. 'Give me the first thing that pops into your head, Debbie. Do you love him??' 'No' 'Then why are you staying with him?' 'Little man' The next weekend changed my mind.  My husband was putting weatherstripping around the front door. My little man rolled over to see what he was doing. 'Get him away from me!' I ran and got him. 'I said keep him away from me!' I ran and got him. I said 'he just wants to see what you are doing.' 'Keep him away.' I said 'I am trying.' Then I heard the loudest slap. I turned and saw my little man fly across the 30' living room and then the 30' dining room and then through the 32" door into the 15' kitchen just missing the cabinets by 6". He had a huge hand print across his little face. He was screaming his little face off and his father never took a break from the weather stripping. That was it. You could mistreat me until the cows came home, but no one, I mean NO ONE will EVER mistreat my baby! So I started my campaign.   I wanted to be a mushroom grower, so I started college with a credit card I had found. Spanish was my first course of choice. I wanted to be able to speak with the men and women on the farm, Mexicans and Puerto Ricans. I asked if I could practice with them. They said absolutely NOT! I would say something wrong because their slang was different. So they spoke to me in Spanish and I could understand, but I spoke to them in English, lol. I A'd that class! I wasn't as stupid as I was told. One day after class, I came home and found my baby crying really hard. My Mother-in-law was visiting so both she and my husband were supposed to be watching the baby, but he was just laying in his playpen crying and they were just standing talking and ignoring him. I picked him up and he was running a temperature. A high one and his diaper was dirty. I absolutely through a fit! I asked them what was wrong with them, were they deaf? This child was in trouble. Why were they ignoring him? How long had he been crying? His Mother said about a half hour. That really kicked off my temper! I went upstairs and changed his diaper to find 4 chickenpox on his little bottom. I gave him something to lower his temperature and then got him some cool water in a bottle. Then I washed him down with cool water. Then I sat in the rocker and sang him to sleep. After putting him to sleep, I went down stairs and stripped the hide off both of their back sides and asked just what kind of father and grandmother they were. I turned and walked back upstairs to be with my baby. The next weekend, my husband must have realized that things needed working on because he said he wanted to go on a picnic with my baby and me. He said that if my 'friend' and her boyfriend called, he didn't want to talk to them. I started frying up some chicken, making some potato salad, and cleaning some fresh veggies for the picnic. She called. I told her he didn't want to talk to her, but she wouldn't take my word for it, so I hung up on her. She did this three times. The fourth time, I gave the phone to him. He said, ok. He hung up and told me, but he would be back for the picnic. He didn't get back until after 8pm. My baby and I had a nice picnic. I laid him down for a nap and then I cleaned the entire house and did all the laundry and cleaned the cat box. After I put the baby down for the night, I was taking the last load out of the dryer, my 'friend' came downstairs and said 'we are back.' She scared me to death! I looked at her in complete fury. She said her boyfriend was mowing the yard. I have no idea what my husband was doing. I told her in unkind words to get out! That I never wanted her near my husband again! Then I told her that it was not her boyfriend's job to mow our yard and I didn't want him around my husband again! Then I said I wanted then both off of our property by the time I got upstairs or I would call the cops for trespassing! When I got upstairs, my husband was standing there in complete fury! He said 'what the hell is the matter with you?' I said, 'I thought we were going on a picnic, obviously that didn't happen because you had other things to do.' Just then the cat took a poo, a stinky one. He said, 'so you could have done something today! You could have at least cleaned the cat box!' And that was it. The plan started. From then on, I cleaned my half of the house, my baby and my laundry, I made my baby and my meals, and I washed my baby and my dishes. In the meantime, one of my colleagues and I went looking for an apartment. Then I found one I could afford with what I was making. When I got my check, I opened my own checking account and put it in my maiden name so my husband couldn't get it out. I went to a lawyer in South Bend. Then when I had all of my ducks in a row, I went to tell him I was leaving him. I turned off the TV He asked me what I was doing and I said I want to talk to you and I can't if you are watching TV. He got up and turned the TV back on and I went and turned it back off. He started to get mad. I finally stood in front of the TV so he couldn't turn it back on and said 'I'm leaving you.' He said 'you won't make it 30 days. You have no idea how to look after yourself or that kid, and you are taking the dog and the cat.' I said, 'That kid is your kid.' He said, 'I have a hard time loving a kid who isn't perfect.' He had a reverse clubfoot. And with that, whatever love I still had for him died. I called my Mom and Dad on my Dad's birthday to tell them I was leaving. I was near tears. I didn't know how they would take it. My Dad said, 'Oh Babe, that is the best birthday present you could have given me! Now are you sure this is what you want?' I said, 'Oh yes Dad, I have everything in order with the help of a friend from work.' He said, 'Then no matter what, don't feel pressured to go back. Mom and I will do whatever it takes, even moving you back home if that is what it takes.' And they did. Mom just cried. I said, 'Mom why are you crying?' She said, 'Because I am so happy!' To say I was shocked is to understate how I felt! My brother wanted me to move to Minnesota, but that was stopped. I was only allowed to be in IL or MI. I'm not sure how I was supposed to do that without going through IN, but no one mentioned that. 

Once I was in the apartment, I wrote the Father that married us and told him we were separated and were probably going to divorce. He called and asked if I wanted him to come up. I said that would nice, so he came up and stopped at Green Giant to get me and take me back to my apartment. We talked for 2 hours where he said that he  had had a partitioner that I reminded him of who looked like me and acted like me and they found her hanging in her father's garage. Then he said that as little man's God Father, he would be back later to pick my little man because I was not in my right mind. Then he made a pass at me! A Priest! I told him to take me back to work! When I got to work, I sat at my desk with my coat and hat and mittens on and just pounded the keys, with no paper in the typewriter. Two of my supervisors ran out and got one of the mushroom pickers to come talk to me. We called him Pee Wee, well not to his face. He came in, took one look at me, got a 5-gallon bucket, turned it upside down and sat down. He said, 'you still have your coat on.' I just kept pounding the keys of the typewriter, tears were now pouring down my face! He got up and got the ugliest yellow ashtray. It was huge. He put it on my desk and told me to throw it at him. I said no and kept pounding. 'What the hell did that Priest do!' pound, pound, pound 'What the hell did that Priest say?' By now there were about 6 supervisors leaning in the doors so they could hear what was happening. The tears were just pouring down my face and the pounding was getting louder. He kept at me asking me questions and finally I picked up that ugly ashtray and threw it as hard as I could at his head! and then burst into tears and poured the whole thing out! The head supervisor took me to the Monsignor and had me tell him everything. He ended up blackballing the Father and then Tim brought me back to work. When I got there another supervisor said if the Priest showed up that night, to call him and he would come and get us. As it turned out, I wasn't home a half hour when I got the call. I call the supervisor, he must have sped over because he was there in 5 minutes. I was shaking so bad, I dropped everything I picked up, so he hugged me and said it was okay he was there now. He was a huge man. He was originally from Guatemala. He packed up everything and we were gone before the Father came. We went to his house. My baby was so happy to see other kids to play with and they fed me although I don't remember what I ate. I was so nervous, I just couldn't relax, but my baby fell asleep right in the middle of the playing kids.

My husband absolutely refused to give me any money for child care and I only made a little more than $400 a month. I could make ends meet and feed my little man with nothing left over to feed myself. In the first month of our separation, I lost 40 pounds. My main supervisor tricked me into going to the doctor and then blocked the door so I couldn't get out of the room. He stayed in the room while the doctor examined me. 'Well, what is wrong with her?' 'Nothing except for the fact that she is starving.' 'Why are you starving?' 'Because I left my husband and I don't have enough money to feed myself and he refuses to pay child support.' 'Well that is going to change, have you filed papers?' 'No he said not to.' He rolled his eyes. 'Of course he did, they can't force him to pay child support if you are only separated. You have to file for divorce.' So I went and filed for divorce, however, Mom and Dad came up that weekend and when they saw me, Mom went through the cupboards and we went grocery shopping!' Dad went to my husband and had a heart to heart. At work, I started finding money in my jacket, in my desk, food in my desk and Tim would have my 2 colleagues take me to lunch every day and buy me lunch and they had to stay until I got it all down.

Side Note: The Psychologist says my ex abused me 5 ways, but I just can't go into all of it any more than this. I don't want to relive anymore. This was hard enough. I told her I had talked around the abuse and she asked me why. I said I just didn't want to get into it. She said I needed to and that maybe it would help other women. So I have gone back and have redone this part. You don't need to live with this. You are worth being loved not abused. So I have talked about physical abuse, verbal abuse, financial abuse, neglect, and he tried to make me think I was going crazy, and I forget the other. You may be able to see it. The only way I got my divorce was to threaten him with going after financial disclosure.  I haven't told you everything because it isn't necessary, but what you must know that life can be sweet once you get out from under the yoke of abuse. After talking with my Psychologist and now writing this out, I am ready to throw this away and I hope in some small way it will be of benefit to someone. If you are being abused and don't know what to do, tell your Doctor, go to the ER, the Police, there are Safe Home for the abused in towns, tell someone, and get out of the abused situation. Don't believe them if they say they say they are sorry and they will never do it again. If they do it once, they will do it again. It makes them feel big, strong to make you feel little and weak. Get out of the situation and be careful that you don't walk right back into another situation just like it. It has taken me years to get my ego back and I'm still not all the way there.

After working at Green Giant for 2 years, they sent a headhunter to close the place. I spotted him right away for who he was and told everyone to beware, they were shutting the plant. I was the first one they fired, although I said no, I quit. I will not have you fire me and have that on my record! After 4 years in MI, I left, grown-up, wiser, cynical, with no ego, single, and with a very quiet 14-month son who called every man Daddy but his own. My lessons continued with the Holy Ghost. I had a hard time with forgiveness with myself for divorce because God had sanctioned the marriage. We had a lot of discussions about that. This was when I got my first Bible. I absorbed every word and talked it over with my Mom and the Holy Spirit. My Mom said that we should try some churches, but I wasn't sure I was ready. I had gone to the Catholic Church but they had not given me what I needed and wouldn't have known me if I had walked in there when I needed help. I was gun shy. Besides, now that I was divorced, I couldn't go back to a Catholic church anymore, but I still had the Holy Spirit so I knew God still loved me and He had forgiven me.

When I arrived in Illinois, my parents had already found a townhouse for my son and I, our dog and our cat. My parents had followed through with their promise. They were always there for me. They were the best parents a person could ever have. It was winter and we moved a week before a devastating blizzard hit burying semis on the highway between where I lived and Niles. Our timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was fortunate enough to find a job within 2 weeks of arriving and started working in Placement at Parkland College right away. I started taking classes in Business Administration because I thought that was where I would make more money. I made excellent grades, but I absolutely hated the classes I was taking. My boss told me I needed to buy a dress or skirt over the weekend and if I didn't wear it on Monday, he would take me shopping. So Mom and I went shopping. When I put the dress on and came down the stairs, my little man said 'Mommy, you have legs.' LOL. My boss told me I looked good in a dress. I was quite confused. My ex called and wished me Happy Anniversary. I was so shocked, I absolutely could not believe my ears! I asked him what he thought he was doing! I hung up the phone, went into the back room and cried. My boss told me I needed to take Agricultural classes because that was where my interest was and he sent me to see the Dean of Agriculture at the University of Illinois. The Dean was very excited to talk to me about getting me into the Agricultural program because there were very few women in the program at that time. We talked for a very long time. I told him what had sparked my interest in Agriculture and he could barely keep himself from rubbing his hands together, he was so excited. He said he would personally guide me through choosing all of my classes at Parkland so that I would have no problems having them all transfer to the U of I.

It worked. My Boss also had me start working for the Ag Department at Parkland and then when I transferred to the U of I he had me apply to a Seed Company. I went and completed the application and turned to leave, but the secretary said 'wait and I'll see if Don is available.' He was and I began working immediately. I really don't know how long I worked there, but I do know that it was only 2 days later that I met my second husband. I was shocked the minute I saw him and could hardly speak, which anyone who knows me will tell you is unusual. You see I had been dreaming about this man for years, truly! I had dreamt about him even when I was married before. I knew the color of his hair, that he would have big feet, hands, and teeth. I knew what his voice sounded like. I knew how tall he was and the color of his eyes. I knew how he walked, but I didn't know what his face looked like. I also knew he would be my second husband. I was completely stunned because I thought it had just been a dream, but here he was in person. I didn't know how to act or where to look. The next day, I had to work with him. I was extremely nervous. We were hand harvesting corn and there were 5 of us in the field. Jerry (who would become our best man) and I were talking. We knew we were the same age and that we were from competing High Schools so we were trying to see if we knew people. I figured Bob was way too young for me. He looked like he was 19 and I had just turned 24. We kept talking and Bob and I had yet to say a word to one another. It started to rain and suddenly there was silence in the field. I didn't think anything about it and kept harvesting. I didn't know any better. I had never done this. When I got to the end of the row, I looked and saw everyone else was in the truck watching me. Nice of them to leave me in the field, right? So, I walked to the truck. One of them was wearing a rain jacket and was standing outside of the truck, Jim. Hmm. I opened the door. I said 'scoot over or I'm sitting on your lap.' No one moved so I lifted myself up and sat on Bob's lap. We were married 6 months later. He has always been, literally, the man of my dreams.

To this day, this man has stood by me through thick and thin.​ The minute my son saw him he said 'Daddy, you finally comed.' I got tears in my eyes. He quit calling every other man Daddy except his natural father, at that moment! He has been the perfect Daddy too. The 3 of us got married on May 25, Bob's birthday. My little man even had a little wedding ring and everything. He was Daddy's little boy from the very beginning. He even walks like him. Bob gave us a little girl 3 years later. Our little boy wanted to name her Cecil, so we had some negotiating to do. (Still to this day Cecil remains, a little bit here and a little bit there, even made it to a license plate, lol.)

As the endometriosis continued to grow, so did the pain and in areas where one wouldn't think it had anywhere to be. After Bob and I were married, we had a hard time getting pregnant with our little girl. It was the endo. Finally, I got pregnant with her and my Grandmother on my Mother's side was angry. She knew how hard my pregnancies were on me and she threatened to take pinking shears to Bob. She was a feisty little old lady.

Again, as with my little man, my pregnancy was awful. This time I had a little boy who would rub my tummy and lay his little head there and talk to his little sister, Cecil. He always wanted to know how big she was now and I would have to tell him by showing him my finger and say 'this big.' He was so cute. I remember one time the phone rang at noon and he answered it. It was Daddy. He was checking on us. My little man said 'Mommy can't come to the phone right now Daddy. She is throwing up her lunch.' Sigh. After lunch, he rubbed my tummy and talked to his Cecil. LOL.

She dropped when I was 6 months pregnant. I had stopped by after classes at the U of I. I had just walked into my girlfriend's house and she watched it drop as I walked in the house. She said 'OMG we have to call the Doctor. You just dropped!' I just stared at her. She grabbed the phone and called his private line. He was a personal friend of hers. He wanted to see me right away. Well I was put on bed rest at my parent's house immediately because we lived in the country. I was only to be on my feet to go to the bathroom. Otherwise, I wasn't even to lay on the couch. I still had 3 months to go. Cecil was not being very accommodating. The Holy Spirit and I had a lot of conversations during this time. I read the Bible a lot and my Mom and I talked a lot about it. My Dad and I did too. My son was very klutzy, it runs in the family, and when things happened he would come and say 'it was an assident.' Well we figured we couldn't call him Ass, so we nicknamed him Dent.

Every time the barometric pressure dropped, we went into contractions and to the hospital we would go. The Doctor would stop the contractors and he gave me medicine I had to take every 2 hours to keep the contractions at bay. However, every time the barometric pressure would drop, Cecil would try to make an appearance. We did this 6 times. My Dad would watch the weather and he would come in and say 'you are going into labor tonight.' He was always right. Then the Doctor said, when I was 8 months, that I could stop the pills and we could go home. So we did. I told Bob to put the rubber sheet on the bed. It was a good idea. About 3 in the morning, I went to wake up Brian and told him we were going back to Grandma and Grandpa's because the baby was finally coming. He just turned over and said 'Oh Mommy, can't you wait until morning?' 

It was such a stormy night! Tornadoes everywhere. When we got to the ER, they just waved us through. Bob grabbed a wheelchair and we went to the maternity section of the hospital. When we got there, there was a bed in the middle of the hall, my doctor was sitting on the bed with 2 nurses standing next to him. He looked at his watch. He said 'I'm calling 4:30 am. I win.' They had placed a bet on my arrival. Cecil was born at 10:04 am. She came out smiling and has been smiling ever since. The Doctor said 'you make 8 month babies, but this one wanted to be a 6 month baby. I don't think you should try for any more.' At the age of 29, I had a hysterectomy.

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My Early Days

When I was young, I was always sickly it seemed. I have very early memories from the age of 2. Every time we had chili or spaghetti at my Grandmother's house, I always got sick. She was always offended, but Mom knew it was real. The doctors called it 'nervous stomach.' Now they call it Celiac Disease. I always had tonsilitis, but they never took out my tonsils. I always got bladder infections too. I remember at the age of 3, Mom sitting me on the grocery store check out as she was writing the check. I remember crying 'Mommy I hurt' as I peed on the counter. Mom was horrified and the clerk was 'oh that poor baby' because of the color. We ended up at the Doctors which wasn't unusual. Vaginal infections always followed. I remember at the age of 2 Mom putting in a suppository, but in my 2 year old brain I thought she was cutting me with Daddy's razor because the suppository was wrapped in a silver wrapper. It looked just like Daddy's razor. It really hurt a little 2-year-old's who-hoo. I asked her 2 years before her death why she would cut me there when I was 2. She started crying that I thought she did that all these years and told me what she really did. All these years, I had thought she had abused me when I was young. I remember hiding from her in the bushes, crying I was so scared. I felt bad that I had made her cry. As I got older, I would be at a friend's house and I would start to feel funny. I would say 'I'm sorry I need to leave. Now.' I would race home. Most times I got there in time. Mom had medicine in the cupboard by that time. It is interesting, it wasn't until I was married that the doctor fixed the problem. Now with Fibromyalgia, I still get that feeling but, when I get tested I don't have an infection.

When I was 4 or 5, I got the measles, mumps, and chickenpox all within a month. It is a wonder my Mom didn't go nuts! When we went back to church, my Sunday School teacher told me I was going to hell because I hadn't been to church for a month! Can you imagine? I took off running as fast as my little legs could, scared the hounds of hell were right behind me and ran into the sanctuary calling for my parents. Of course, it was right during silent prayer time. 'Mommy, Daddy, I'm going to hell! I'm going to hell!' Over and over again, entirely hysterical. After that, they couldn't get me back to church! I was sure the door to hell was in that church. I didn't step back into that church until my Grandmother's death and even now I won't go to that church unless some family event is there. I certainly won't practice that particular 'religion.' Instead, I would stand on the front porch as people would start to go to church and yell 'Anyone want to play poker?' Mom said that I figured if I was going to hell, I might as well take others with me.

I always had growing pains in my legs too. Every night, my Dad would massage them and it hurt like the very devil but he would continue while I cried. After about a half hour, the pain would ease in each leg. That went on for years. I often wonder if that was the beginning of my Fibromyalgia. It never stopped me though. Kids are resilient. They just keep on going.

We were the 7th house in our neighborhood and so there were a lot of really high dirt piles to ride my bike on and boy did I. To a child of 6 or 7 those dirt piles were huge. My Mom would make me a lunch and I would play all day on those dirt piles with my bike. In those days, life was much simpler, safer, and you didn't have to worry about anything happening to your kids. You knew they would come home when they were hungry. I loved that freedom. You sure wouldn't do that today.

At the age of 5, I started ballet. I loved it. I was a natural. Of course, starting so young I could do anything. I think my first costume was a little French poodle, lol. All of my family came and watched my recitals every year, the boys hated it. I loved it. I was the only girl at that time. I started piano the same year. I was much better at ballet than piano. I would never play piano in front of anyone although I would dance for everyone. I tried tap dancing, but I tried to bring ballet into it and it didn't work.

By the time I was 16, the arch of my feet cramped every time I went onto my toes. I loved to be on my toes, but I collapsed every time I went up on them. Mom took me to the Doctor and he took blood tests. He discovered that my salt was low, very low. He told me that every time I cramped I needed to just put table salt into the palm of my hand and lick it. I still do that to this day. The Doctor still tests my salt and it always tests low normal. Anyway, that was the end of my ballet career because even with the salt, every time I went up on my toes I would cramp. The Doctor could find no explanation. We bought new shoes, but nothing helped. I just couldn't do it. Even now, if I arch my feet I will go into a cramp. It was a great disappointment to me. My dream was to go to New York and dance on stage with the Rockets and my dance instructor said I had the ability until I started to cramp. God had other plans.

I loved to go through the houses as they were being built, after the construction crews left for the day. I was only caught once with a girlfriend. The contractor came to see how the workmen had done that day, so we hid in the closet. Of course, the door got stuck and we couldn't get out. Fortunately for us, his son was a friend of ours and he knew we were in that house. When his Dad came back out and didn't say anything about us being in there, Dean came back and found us stuck in the closet. He let us out and told us that if his Dad had found us, we would have been in really big trouble. Yep, life was simpler in those days.​

Still with all those infections, pains, and fears, ​I had a wonderful childhood. I lived in the middle of a Scottish Clan. My Grandfather ran it with an iron fist and everyone had a holiday that they were in charge of and us kids were so close, until my Grandmother passed. The younger 2 cousins never had a chance to feel that wonderful feeling that Grandma made sure that everyone had. Whenever we all got together we all knew we were safe and loved and when we were apart we knew that we had an umbrella of protection. I had that feeling well into my middle teens.